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Please give a short bio of yourself for our readers. The bio might be the hardest question to answer! I am Joanna, born in Chicago 1974, married to Michael 1993, mother to Katherine 1994, mother (again!) to Domenic 1996, hoping to be mother again soon. I've lived in many states in the US, and I spent two years living in Turkey as a USAF wife. By far the most exotic assignment we've had is our current residence in Nebraska.... LOL. I actually like it here, but miss Chicago a lot. I am passionate about mothering, my children, scrapbooking, politics, social issues and anything else on which I have an opinion. I am happy to report that I am finally living up to my mother's claims that I'm an opinionated, bossy loudmouth. Why did you choose this username? I chose this name partly because being a mother defines me and partly because I feel very much out of step with many aspects of modern mothering. I choose to birth at home, I don't circumcise, I breastfeed, my babies sleep with me, I don't vaccinate on the AAP schedule, I don't spank my kids, I stay at home. When I first came online I was lucky enough to find a group of women who believe in the same things I believe in. I still feel very much an outsider, like I am constantly fighting an uphill battle in my mothering choices. Being a mother isn't just a job to me, it isn't a way for me to pass the time until I can get a real job and a meaningful career. Being a mother is who I am. It's in my soul. I can no more stop being a mother than my husband could stop being a man. It's just who and what I am. Why do you keep a diary on-line? At first I started an online diary as a way to expand upon my parenting ideals. I hate to admit this, but I am quite the attention whore (isn't that a diaryring?...hmm) I want people to like me, really like me! However, Dland quickly became an outlet for me, a very cathartic way to express myself. I had forgotten how much I really love keeping a journal. I also wanted feedback, some human interaction you can't get from writing on paper. I wanted others to read my words and either identify with them or challenge them. I welcome the challenge... Also, as a SAHM I don't get adult interaction every single day, especially when my kids were little. Keeping my diary online is a way of connecting with other human beings, even in such a small way... however, it's also my personal space, where I can express my otherwise unpopular views without feeling like a criminal. How important do you think a layout is for a web-based diary? Would you also comment on yours? I think layout *can* be very important, but good writing is so much more important. I don't pass up diaries that use a template, you miss a lot of good writing that way. A layout can enable the author to show more of who they are ... to me, it's very much like the clothes I wear. My mood and my tasks for the day dictate what I wear, so my mood and my outlook have dictated my diary layout. I've changed my layout several times to fit my moods. Currently it's very sleek, very clean lines, very minimal graphics. I chose that because my previous layout (a funky 1950's retro kitchen look) was just too upbeat for me after 9.11.01. My husband is in the USAF and our lives were directly affected by what happened that day; I just didn't feel comfortable with the kitchen retro. You state that daycare is evil. This appears to be a blanket statement - regardless of the child's age. You were forced to stay at home out of necessity. Do you think your strong opinions on the issue and your own decisions have a connection? What would you say to people who say that putting older children in daycare is actually good for them, as that way kids will meet other kids with whom they'll be able to interact with and thus learn all important social skills? I think daycare, the way it is run in this country is abysmal to say the least. I know many good daycare providers, who love and care very much for the kids they watch. But even the best daycare worker is not a parent. I don't think children were meant to be in a group situation being cared for by minimum wage earners for 50 hours per week from the time they are six weeks old. Infants in particular *need* one on one attention for optimal development. Studies show that time and time again, but they are dismissed for fear we may make working moms feel guilty. Even school age children, in my opinion, don't do well in daycare. They are there before school starts and long after school is over. It's too long of a day to be in such a structured environment. Kids need to be kids, not spending 12 hours a day in an institutional setting. Socialization can and *is* done in situations like playgroups, trips to the park, scheduled play dates, mommy & me gym classes, music or art lessons, sports, etc. School age children get plenty of socialization at school, and younger kids can get it when their mothers make an effort to provide it. I've yet to meet a SAHM who didn't *relish* the idea of getting out of the house with the kiddos! LOL It's a matter of necessity. I do take exception to the term "forced". What I said was: "I stayed home with her first out of necessity. With just a high school diploma I couldn't get a job paying enough to justify daycare costs." And that was true. I stayed at home with her because simple math showed me how I'd be losing money if I worked. Most people do not fathom how much the spend while working: car payments, gas, insurance, taxes, more convenience foods, more meals out, clothing, daycare, the list goes on and on. I stayed at home in the beginning because I couldn't afford to work. Which was fine by me because I could not comprehend turning over the most precious thing in the world ~my child~ to a virtual stranger just so I could uphold some feminist ideal and buy more stuff. What are you most afraid of and why? So many things. How can you be a mother and not be afraid? I'm afraid of the world my children will grow up in, but I have to believe that they will become adults who will work to change the world rather than contribute to the evil and sadness already in it. I'm afraid of war, but I have to hope that love will prevail. I'm afraid of something happening to me and that my children will grow up motherless. I'm afraid something will happen to one of them and that the hole in my soul would be too large for me to ever, ever repair. I guess I fear these things because I want my children to know only love and never grief. But that is unrealistic, so I just pray that I will be strong enough to help them through the hard times. Do you think your own childhood has had an effect on your views of motherhood? Oh absolutely. My own mother was a terrible mother. She was an untreated bipolar with a severe personality disorder. She was a stay at home mom and she was horrible at it! She always told us she never wanted kids, and that if she could go back, she'd never have us. She was mean, cruel and vicious. That shaped my view of motherhood, although oddly enough it had a positive effect. I knew without a doubt that I could be a better mother than my own mother was. I took her life and used it as a model of what *not* to do. I wanted to have a bond with my children, and that is why I turned so much to attachment parenting: holding them all the time, wearing them in slings, feeding on demand, never spanking them, never letting them cry it out. I wanted them to learn to trust me the way I couldn't trust my mother. I never wanted them to fear me, or to think that I didn't love them. I knew how it felt to believe that your own mother could hate you.... I lived it. I can never get back what I lost in my own childhood but I can ease that pain by providing a better life for my own two children. If you could spoil yourself with any one thing for a day, what would it be? Just one?! I'd do scrapbooks all day long, and not stop to make dinner, fill a juice cup, tie a shoe, find a stuffed animal, break up a fight, listen to whining or wipe anything! :) Interviewed by GingerBug
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