   More buttons... |
Please give a short bio of yourself for our readers. I was born in 1979. My mother had to have a C-section because my head was too big. I don't think I had deformed, oversized mutant head or anything. My mother's just a small woman. Anyway, I was born, and I did that whole growing up thing. Which is overrated, by the way. I've spent most of my life going to school and doing homework, so needless to say, I've led a boring life. When I was 5 or so, I discovered that books were a great way to escape from the world, and have been hooked ever since. When I was 11 or so, I realised that I liked writing and was pretty good at it, so I started writing lots. And then a few years later, I stopped. I've only just started again, with this diary. When I was 15 I decided that life sucked and got depressed and angsty, and in some ways I'm still stuck in that rut. After that, I somehow managed to get myself into a few messes, resulting in a love-hate relationship with humanity (especially the male half of it). I'm still in university at the moment, but will be graduating in a bit and then I have to decide what I want to do with my life. I don't really know yet. Why did you choose this username? It just so happened that 'Ashre' was the name I was using on the net, around the time I discovered Diaryland. If I had been using the name 'Jane' when I heard of Diaryland, I'd probably be Jane instead of Ashre. I've gone through a few nicknames over the years, and I change my nicknames (on ICQ, message boards, and the like) every so often. I guess I just get bored. But anyway, Ashre is from the song 'Muhammed My Friend' by Tori Amos. I wanted a name that didn't describe me (e.g. evilbitch, crazygirl, etc.) but that looked and sounded like a name, and I just chose Ashre. Why do you keep a diary online? I had a diary when I was 11. My mother read it. She seems to think that as my mother she has a right to know every single detail of my life and to poke about in my things. Obviously, she is wrong. I didn't like her looking at my diary. I felt violated, and that just ruined it for me. I associated keeping a diary with something negative, so I stopped writing. And I never kept another diary. I've always felt the need to write down my thoughts, but I was too paranoid to do so. And then one day I found out that there were online diary sites. Problem solved. My mother is too much of a technophobe to ever find this diary. I'm glad I found Diaryland. I love writing. I always have. I stopped writing for a very long period of time, and I forgot how much I enjoyed it, and keeping this diary helped me remember. How important do you think a layout is for a web-based diary? Would you also comment on yours? I admit it! I like pretty things! I do! Eye candy! Must. Have. Eye. Candy. I'm not saying that a perfect layout is necessary. I will read a diary that has a crappy layout, if I love what's being written. But if the diary doesn't hold my attention for long enough, I may not realise that the writing is amazing. If you have an eye-catching design, I'll be more likely to read the diary. I'm just shallow that way. Aside from that, I do think a layout is important, because the diary is a reflection of who you are and what you're like. The Diaryland templates, for example, are functional, but don't really say much about the diarist. That makes me feel that I'm missing out on some facet of the person's personality. The design you pick for your diary says a lot about you. It brings the entries to life and adds a whole new dimension to the writing. My layout. I like changing my layout and making new ones. The one I have right now is based on a picture I found on the net of Beren and Luthien, characters in Lord of the Rings. I'm all caught up in the Tolkien madness like everyone else, yes. The Beren and Luthien thing is very romantic, and that layout went up on Valentine's Day. Completely coincidental, I assure you. I'm not usually into the whole romance thing. I like the Beren and Luthien story mostly because it's about elves and it's tragic. You say that you don't want to share an identity with anyone and at one point you think that you're possibly an exhibitionist because of the things you believe and do, so what characteristics do you possess that make you an individual? I'm deathly afraid of being like someone else. Somehow I feel that if I'm too much like another person, I can't really be me. I don't want to share an identity. Sometimes it's as if I believe that identity is a scarce commodity; that there's only so much to go around and I don't want to share. It's not logical, I know. I don't want to become just another face in the crowd. I don't want to be just another cog in the machine. I mean, take ants for example, I don't think each individual ant has its own personality. The ant only functions as part of a whole. I don't want that for me. I'm afraid that if I become too much like another person, that I'll somehow be assimilated, become part of the group mind, and lose who I am. I'm not sure what makes me an individual. I know I've always been a little kooky and a little outside the norm. I just see things and do things differently from a lot of other people. I also talk about very strange things. When I was little, classmates used to tell me I was crazy. They said so in a good-natured way, of course, but they were probably right. I know I'm not a lot like most of the people I know, but I can't tell you why exactly. In your diary, you wonder what inspires people to write out their entire life story and send it to be published. How do you think this is different to having an online diary? It's different because you can't really make money off an online diary. Hee. And you can't say you have a published book. It's an ego thing. Anyone can have an online diary. Only a select few can get a book published. It's also different because an online diary is what it is, a diary. You update it every day, or as and when you feel like it, and you don't really have to put it together to form a coherent whole. But I think that with books, the story must flow. And an online diary isn't something with an end in sight. Books have to end. You don't see a diary as having an end. It may have an end, but you don't anticipate it. You anticipate that with books, and know that you're going to hit the ending eventually (because obviously, you can't have an infinite number of pages in your hand). If I'm writing a book, I have to get write what I want to say down, and then wrap it up. That takes a lot of work. I don't have to do that with a diary. But I guess in many ways they're the same. You talk about the secrets close to your heart. You never really know how many people are reading about you. You hope that they like what you put out. And if they don't, you hope you never have to hear about it (though constructive criticism is always good I suppose). In both cases, you bare your soul to other people. I think that takes some measure of courage. It also displays a desire to communicate, even if most of the time it isn't a two-way thing. Sometimes you just get sick of keeping the story of your life to yourself, and you want to share. Great writers write books, the rest of us have online diaries. Do you believe that love is something that you have to learn how to do? And do you believe that you can fall in love with someone on a first meeting with them? This may be some of my residual idealism speaking, but I think we're all born with the ability to love and trust openly and without reservation. Life changes that and steals that from you, to some extent or other. You're influenced by society. You start to judge people. You grow up, and you become cynical. You lose your trust in other people, and you become defensive. You start to think love is a myth. And then you have to learn to love all over again, or at least you have to try to remember how to love. Not everyone becomes a cynic, I suppose. Some people just naturally place all their faith in love, humanity, the inherent goodness of other people, and so on. I don't. I, perhaps sadly, am not one of these people. I don't have much faith in anything, let alone love. I think love is weakness. I probably need to remember how to love, or relearn it from scratch. But I don't know that it's worth the trouble. I can't imagine that love could be that great. It's a luxury. A nice bonus. Fun, but dispensible and not essential for survival. I would give up love for knowledge, or power. In an instant. Oh, and I believe in love at first sight. Geese (and ducks?) remember the first face they see and follow it around. Isn't that love at first sight? Hee. But really, no, I don't believe in love at first sight. You might get a crush on the person in question, or lust after them, but love? I don't think so. You can't know a person after just one meeting. You might be attracted to them physically, because that's about all you see of them on the first meeting, but I doubt that that could truly be called love. Attraction can turn into love, definitely, but that takes time. Okay, now we always do one fun little question, so here's yours: In many of your entries you say that you're a "bitter bitter person" because you don't like holidays that are dedicated to love. So if you could have your wish, which national holidays would you scrap and what would you replace them with? I AM a bitter, bitter person. It probably stems from envy. I hate it when other people are happy. There's nothing to be happy about. The world is a miserable, wretched place, and we're all scurrying about our insignificant little existences. Everyone should wake up and smell the stench of inevitability. The universe (and everyone in it) is hurtling towards its unavoidable demise. Yes, I'm Ebenezer Scrooge in a 22-year-old female's body. Bah, humbug. Holidays. Hmph. Completely pointless in the grand scheme of things. All things are transient, ruin and decay will eventually take them. They should scrap New Year's and replace it with a day dedicated to the inevitable destruction of all that we know. Everytime you see 1st January approaching, remember, it's not really a new year. Nothing is new. Everything is just getting older and is dying, and each year you see brings you closer to than inescapable end of all things. Valentine's Day. Ugh. I just ranted about that holiday recently. Love, bah. Love is a pretty delusion. Valentine's Day should be done away with totally, or changed into a day celebrating psychosis, because everyone in love is delusional. Oh, and don't forget random acts of cruelty to human beings. Because usually people do nice things for each other on V-Day, and I want it to be that they do cruel things to each other instead. But not to animals. I detest cruelty to animals, but it's ok to be cruel to other people. Go figure. And Christmas. Well, Christmas should be trashed. Christmas should be a holiday dedicated to the gods of commerce and capitalism. Oh, wait...already been done. Interviewed by Deepblueday
|
most recently: 6:37 p.m. latest interviews Bye until our move! - 2003-05-03 For all previous interviews, see our ARCHIVE For how to apply for an interview, read our RULES To talk with other diarists, visit our FORUM To leave a message for Interview, sign our GUESTBOOK To help us and be really cool, you can LINK to us! We support the AUCTIONS This site is hosted by DIARYLAND |
|||||||
| designed by bug::design |
