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Please give a short bio of yourself for our readers. i'm a 22 year old male who lives on the central coast of california, in a small town called lompoc (located about 50 miles north of santa barbara). i work for a software company that makes a program that runs touch-screen point of sale machines. i hate my job and most of the people there. i am an aspiring musician, and am currently working on the post-production for my first album. for more info on my music go to my site (that was a pretty obvious plug). i am currently single, but not sure if i am looking for anyone. i have a few buddies that take care of my "needs," but i'm not ready for a big commitment right now. i am two years out of a really sour relationship, and not sure if i want to get ino another one. i graduated from california recording institute, in san francisco in 2000 and am a certified audio engineer. i also write stories and scripts, LARP, and mesh-wire sculpt. i'm not an artist... but i'm really good at pretending to be one. Why did you choose this username? the name is taken from some lyrics to one of my songs: "welcome to my house / it's in the places no one goes / it's in the places no one knows / located somewhere in the shadows / memories, like bloodstains that won't fade anymore / all i see is black, but what am i looking for? / bloodstains on my hands, bloodstains on the floor / you can come inside, but leave salvation at the door." it's essentially a reflection on bad thoughts that won't go away. i occasionally have a problem with that kind of thing Why do you keep a diary online? catharsis. the aforementioned "bad thoughts" need a release. sometimes it wells up so much that it's too hard for me to focus on writing a song, and i just want to stand up and scream "FUCK YOU!!!" to the world. see, the problem is that my intolerance for day-to-day stupidity is outweighed by my tact. i know better than to treat someone badly just because they are dumb (or simply uninformed/unaware/out of touch with reality). if that weren't the case, i'd be a royal asshole to almost everyone i encounter. my disgust for the human condition is high, but i'm not so much of a dick as to tell everyone i meet that they make me want to vomit. so, instead i use my diary to say the things that i can't say in public. i get it off my chest and things go a little smoother. How important do you think a layout is for a web-based diary? Would you also comment on yours? a layout isn't all that important. i like function more than form. if the writing is good and honest, that's all i really care about. a nice layout is just an added perk... like extra whipped cream on a piece of pumpkin pie. my layout is a comic reflection of how i feel about most situations. So, you're a musician. Tell us about that and the affect it's had on your life. music has offered me a lot of release. i would put money down that if i were not a songwriter i would not have survived the heartbreak that i suffered two summers ago, when i found out that my fiancee that i loved with all of my being was actually a filthy drug slut who was cheating on me with one of my housemates. writing a song really helps me to get out the negative emtions that are pent-up inside of me on a day-to-day basis. on average, i'm not normally a happy camper. my talent for song-craft has kept it possible for me to function like a normal human being. were it not for songwriting, i would probably be a ticking timebomb. likewise, i did not have a lot of friends growing up. i lived in a small community without many other kids around, so i didn't have a lot of friends. the friends i did have were pretty lame too. for a long time, music was the only thing that kept me sane. creativity is a good cure for boredom. Tell us the story behind the poem from this entry. it's about an unhealthy lust for someone. the kind of thing where all you can think about is being with a person. it's about dependance. i don't think dependance is a good thing. i've been there, and i never want to be there again. there's not much worse than using someone as a crutch... because people come and go. kuru is a disease that cannibals get from eating infected flesh. it's chief symptom is brain-rot. i used the cannibalism part as a metaphor for enveloping a person into the sick world of the obsessed. What effect has September 11th had on you? it didn't have an effect on me. i've been saying for years that shit like that was bound to happen... that it was only a matter of time before someone lashes out against america. and it happened. it sucks that it happened... but it did, and it was inevitable. just think of all the innocent people that we killed fighting other people's wars. think of american soldiers raping vietnamese peasants who were just trying to scrape by. it was karma. i love this country and i love my freedom. but we are not perfect. our history of interaction with other countries has not gone untainted. think of the terror that the native americans faced when we burned their homes and traded them disease-infested blankets for their land. whatsmore... think of all of the adulturers, abusive parents, alcoholics, and general wastes of human energy that died when those buildings toppled? i firmly believe that there are people in this world that serve no purpose but to take from others and never give back. total wastes of breath. cancer on the face of the planet. i'm sure that there was more than one shitty person in the trade center when it went down. i don't see the death of life-wasters as a bad thing. my heart goes out to the families of those who died in the trade center that were worthwhile, productive, and generous. but to the selfish greedy pigs... i hope they rot in hell. i firmly believe in a natural order to things, and i believe that things happen for a reason. september 11th was a tragedy indeed. but all we can do is continue to move forward. if america was meant to be destroyed then so be it. rome and carthage fell... we will to. it's not a matter of "if," but "when." it is the responsibility of the strong to lead the survivors into a new era and into new greatness. terrorism does not show strength. the ability to pick up and stay alive does. If you could have any other person in the world, who you would have? Why? i don't know. sorry if that's a boring answer... but i'm working on getting my own shit together. i don't have time to think about other people right now. i'll never be able to make anyone happy until i can be happy myself. i'm not going to drag anyone else down to my level either. Interviewed by Brandi
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