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Please give a short bio of yourself for our readers. My name is Erin. I am twenty-three and in my fifth year of college. I will graduate in May with majors in public relations and graphic design and a minor in marketing. I hope to snag a job in advertising. I am from a farm in southwestern Minnesota and attend college thirty-miles from my parents' home where I have lived my entire life. I have a large family (four younger brothers!) and I am the typical "Minnesota nice"-type person. (And no, I don't think I have the Fargo-esque accent.) After graduation, I plan to pack my bags and live somewhere else. Realistically, Minneapolis/St. Paul, but I am drawn to Seattle, Denver, Boston and San Francisco. Why did you choose this username? Two-fold. I chose my domain name, najju, simply because I liked the way the word looked. I found out later that the word means "poison," so I am not sure whether that is a good thing or not...heh. The point I am at in my life is one of transition. I really don't know who I am or what I want to do or where I want to go. I feel as if I am being pulled in multiple directions--by what my family thinks, by what my friends think...by what I, myself think. I chose to title my journal "Becoming Whole" because that is exactly what I am doing at this stage in my life. I am growing into the person I am meant to be. The person who I always was. Why do you keep a diary online? I have kept a paper journal since I was ten or eleven, so an online journal should not have been too much of a stretch for me. I have about ten formerly-blank books in box in my closet that document everything from my first kiss to my first day at college. I love leafing through those old faded books and seeing the loopy handwriting and feeling all those feelings that I bound to the pages. I started my online journal at diaryland under the username indigotide. I started it in-addition to a personal page I had. I found in writing online that I got feedback and encouragement that I would not have recieved otherwise. I liked that other people could connect with my words and feel what I am feeling. After moving around a bit, I purchased my own domain, I keep solely the online journal. It is my release. Sometimes, the only release I have. How important do you think a layout is for a web-based diary? Would you also comment on yours? I am a graphic designer by trade, so for me design is very important. I am a very visual person and I believe that graphics, if used effectively, can really enhance a person's words. I think that a web-based diary's graphics should reflect the kind of writing you would find within that diary and it really should tell something about the person who is writing it. Don't get me wrong, graphics are not everything, but they do help to enhance the visitor's experience of your diary and may impact the memorability of your site. I am a terrible critic of my own design work, so I have tons of unused layouts sitting on my computer hard-drive. I used to be known for changing my site design monthly or bi-monthly. Now that I live off-campus and don't have cable internet access, I spend less time online and am unable to change layouts that often. I don't normally use dark layouts because they often depress me. I am a fan of white or light-colored backgrounds, mainly for readability reasons. You state in your diary: "I am my mother's daughter. We share the same face shape, the same nose, the same shadowing under our eyes." How are you like your mother, how are you not like your mother? I am like my mother in the high expectations I hold for myself and others around me. I really want to see people achieve their full potential and I become frustrated when others don't seem to care about something I see as almost fundamental. I am like my mother in that I fight for what I feel is important, even if that means going against the norm. I am not afraid to stand up for what I believe in. I am so much like my mother, that it frequently causes conflict. And this struggle between myself and my mom is one of the main issues I face in my journal. We butt heads on issues that I see as parts of me. Parts of myself. Pieces of me that have never seemed to fit in anywhere else. I have always felt as though I was born into the wrong family, not because I had a bad home life, but because my ideals are so vastly different from the values of my family members. One of the largest issues has been my boyfriend, Sugam. Sugam and I have been together four years and I still have been struggling with my mom to convince her that he is an okay guy. Sugam is originally from Nepal and I know my parents fear that I will someday go there; that I may be hurt in some way. Or not accepted. She has trouble letting go. Of accepting that I am an adult and that I don't have to live under my parents' lead anymore. That I won't always need to go to them with my problems. That eventually there will be someone else to take that role. I think she knew that, but she didn't think it would come so soon. You are an Artist, and I am sure a very talented one despite what the idiot professor who gave you your junior review said -- so in being an Artist, what drives Erin? What inspires you? What causes you to reach deep within and create? I don't really know what "drives me." (Most days, I am trying to figure that out for myself!) The thing I enjoy most about art is that there are no expectations; or at least I don't put any ungodly expectations on myself. When I paint, I put things on the canvas just because it feels right to put them there. And I really don't care about what the result looks like--just what it feels like in the end. If you read through any of my entries, you will know that I am a very sensitive person. Most of my artwork, whether it is painted, drawn or written, is fueled by my emotional state at the time I am creating. It is sometimes very frustrating to be so emotional because I often cannot separate myself from and am often overtaken by the feelings I am having. Things that inspire me? Oh, love, music, hate, disgust, lust, something someone said...anything. Life inspires me. I create because there is something within me that isn't quite right if I don't. If I am not writing or doing something creative, it effects me psychologically. It is who I am. I need the release it provides me. Without that release, I am miserable. I can so relate about your "fat days" -- Tell me what it's been like for you struggling with weight issues? It is hard to be overweight. And it is really hard for me to talk about; even to people who I know very well. For me, my weight issues are a constant struggle within myself. Most of the time, I can control myself, but then there is that one day where nothing goes right. I turn all those feeling inward and beat myself with them. And I think maybe this would be different or maybe this wouldn't have happened if... or imagine how much better I would feel if... I really do take things in on myself. People don't think fat people can hear. They say things out loud--things just out of earshot--and they know you can hear them, but it doesn't matter. Because, after all, she's just a fat girl--she doesn't matter. And it is really hard to not take it personally when people do that. People who don't even know you. And don't take the time to get to know you. I have always felt as if I were missing out on getting to know those people. But in reality, they were probably missing out on getting to know me. We always ask one silly fluff question here at Interview, I have given you the power to do something wickedly delicious for 8 hours, what will it be? hmm...I guess I would take those eight hours and plant myself somewhere warm and green. No interruptions. Sit on the grass barefoot and sip on a lime margarita. Read a book. Write. Veg. That would be wonderful. Interviewed by Trinity63
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