Please give a short bio of yourself for our
readers.
I was born in Fairfax, Virginia on the day after
Independence Day in 1980. When I was one my parents
moved back to California where the rest of their
families lived. I subsequently grew up in a San
Francisco suburb with my parents and younger sister
and never moved anywhere until I graduated high
school. From there I moved in with my grandparents
across town and started attending the local community
college. Finally this past summer I've returned to the
South to finish up my (many) remaining years of
college, and I really love it here in Texas.
Why did you choose this username?
"Merp" is actually an acronym of my initials (my
parents gifted me with not one, but two middle names).
I added "Agent" because I was kind of into the X-Files
and spies at the time (1999) and the name stuck. I use
it for pretty much everything now.
Why do you keep a diary online?
Basically I started keeping this diary with the sole
purpose of letting it be public so my friends could
read it and see what I was dealing with. I have a hard
time talking about my feelings, but I don't have that
same problem when writing. It seemed like a good idea
at the time. I've never been able to keep a paper
journal going, and surprisingly with this one I've
been writing in it every day. Since it is a public
journal and my friends do read it, I have to admit
I've gotten myself into a bit of trouble now and then,
but on the whole it's really been a good experience,
and I've met a ton of awesome people through
Diaryland.
How important do you think a layout is for a
web-based diary? Would
you also comment on yours?
Personally, I can't read a diary that isn't visually
stimulating. Even if the writing is absolutely great,
if it has a bad layout or too much going on at once
(lots of pictures, diaryrings, etc.) or whatever I
can't stay focused on the content. And the content is
obviously the important thing. I'd like to say layout
doesn't matter to me, but it does. As for my own, I've
changed it a ton of times since I first started
writing online. I get bored easily, so I like to
change my template. I like to incorporate my art in
the designs, and at the moment I seem to have hit upon
a theme close to many people's hearts: decapitated
snowmen.
How'd you get the scar you keep thinking about? Why
do you keep
thinking about it?
In January of 2000 I had a (massive) ovarian tumor
removed from my abdomen. To put it bluntly, it was 25
pounds. I never knew I had it until I got food
poisoning and had to go to the doctor. It was a lady
doctor/nurse practioner, and while she was poking at
me she noticed that she couldn't feel any of my
internal organs. (Apparently this is a bad thing.) One
thing led to another and I had to have surgery. The
operation resulted in the removal of the tumor, my
fallopian tubes, my right ovary, and my appendix. Not
to mention the eight inch scar down my stomach. It
also resulted in the fact that I absolutely cannot
have children without using in-vitro technology. It's
been a difficult time coming to terms with that. I
never thought that I would have to go through that
procedure. I mean, I'm only twenty-one, and I
certainly don't want or need kids right now, but every
time I see my scar it's still hard to take in the way
my life completely changed. But in a way I'm lucky
because I didn't lose the ability to have children
completely.
I know this is painful, but can you share with us
who Jason and
Cindy are, and what role they play in your
life?
When I moved out of my parents' house after high
school I moved in with my mom's parents who we all
call Cindy and Jason instead of "Grandma" and
"Grandpa" for various and assorted reasons. Suffice it
to say that those are not their real names. Anyway, I
lived with them for three years while I went to the
community college and while I was going through my
whole surgery deal. Cindy, my grandmother, has
Alzheimer's. She wasn't too bad when I first moved in,
but she was beginning to forget words and names. As
the months progressed so did the Alzheimer's and now
she doesn't speak much at all. It's scary watching a
person who had been so smart and vital deteriorate to
the point that she doesn't recognize you. By the time
I was gearing up to move out at the end of summer this
year, she was giving me blank looks as though
wondering who this stranger was who had the audacity
to live in her house. The hardest part though is
watching what this is doing to Jason. They've been
married for over fifty years and raised six kids
together. And now he's watching the woman he loves
disappear right before his eyes. He's her husband, but
now he's her caretaker, and what they used to have
together is essentially gone.
You say you hate being lied to -- have you ever
lied, and what is it
about lying that infuriates you?
Of course I've lied. Everybody's lied. Anybody who
says different is a liar. I got in big trouble once
when I was younger with my mom for something (I can't
even remember what it was now), though, and her whole
lecture about trust and whatnot really hit home. So
now, whenever possible I try to be as honest as I can.
The thing that I find so infuriating about it is that
if I'm going to go the trouble of being honest, then
the people that I'm close to had better do it too.
Plus, it's hurtful when you find out that someone
didn't trust you enough to tell you the truth. Or that
they felt you would be better off for not knowing. It
just drives me crazy.
Okay -- You get to be any Star Wars character,
which one and
why?
Oh, this is easy. Mara Jade. She's not in the movies,
but in the novels and comic books. She's a Jedi, AND
she eventually marries Luke Skywalker, who is my own
personal hero. Plus, she worked for the Emperor, which
had to be pretty cool. All that dark side of the Force
and stuff. Heh.