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Today's Interview: Motherlode

Please give a short bio of yourself for our readers.

I'm a stay-at-home mom to a pack of monkeys whom I refer to as the Fearsome Four. I'm married to the guy who's been giving me the big one since we were 17. We live in a western Canadian city that we moved to in 1991, where we operate a small yet profitable business. I was born in the USA and moved to Canada when I was about 3, and grew up in the Northwest Territories. Which is akin to living in the middle of nowhere with alot of craggy pine trees and caribou around you. I come from a big dysfunctional family, and I'm very close to my siblings. I married into an even bigger dysfunctional family whom I've grown to love; they make for fun diary entries. I like crafty stuff, and shopping, and rock music, and food, and taking pictures, and manboys, and big boobs, and going to the bar, and making endless webpages, and Barbies, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and all things childish. I'm 31 years old, look 25 and act like I'm 18. My name is Antonia, but call me Tones.

Why did you choose this username?

Motherlode. Mother. Load. Mother's Load. My Load. My life.
And according to dictionary.com:

mother lode
1. the main vein of ore in a region
2. an abundant or rich source

I am the main vein in my family, and I'm an abundant and rich source of many things. Or so I keep telling people. Although if I were to choose a new username today, I'm sure it would be mildly vulgar laced with a touch of obscenity. I think this is a great user name and wish I'd thought of using it first.

Why do you keep a diary online?

When I started this diary, my youngest kid had just started school full-time and after 10 years of being a SAHM I was suddenly alone all day. Instead of the joyous whooping one would think I would have been doing, I almost had a nervous breakdown from the change in my life. My friend had just started a diary, and I thought that maybe if I was a big copycat and started one as well, and wrote about how I felt, I'd feel better.

So that's why I started my diary. Why I keep my diary: I really don't know why. Sometimes it feels like a chore, like: "Damn I should write. What should I write. I don't know. There's nothing to write about. Who cares if I watched Iron Chef and painted my toenails. Damn I better write. It's been 3 days." Then again I like being able to rant about people in my life and situations that piss me off. I like expressing myself. I like being able to say whatever I want without having to censor myself to not hurt someone's feelings or keep peace or whatever. And, I like when deluded admiring people sign my guestbook and tell me wonderful things about my mundane entries. I'm needy and I like attention and I'm not afraid to admit it.

How important do you think a layout is for a web-based diary? Would you also comment on yours?

Not that important. I read quite a few diaries that use the basic templates and I read them because I like the content. If you have a boring-as-shit diary and can't write a proper sentence, no fancy Designed By Whomever layout is going to save it. But: if you're thinking of changing your basic template, and you have no html skills and have no sense of color and balance whatsoever, please do pay or beg someone who does to fix yours. Nothing's worse than coming across a layout with a purple background & size 8 arial font in yellow, and a trailing cursor that spells out some trite blurb, 6 drop menus at the bottom, 128 diaryrings down the left, a scrawl wall, a midi that plays the Blue's Clues theme, and little animated dogs running back and forth across the page. People with diaries like that, stop trying so hard and please go back to the template, because Hello, Less Is More.

And, I'd like to say that size 1 font in white on a dark background is very hard on my eyes. Grey works better than white. I'm not fond of inset scrolling tables. They look swish but for me that's just another thing I have to click on to read the entry. And inset scrolling tables that are 2 x 1 inches wide? May as well put a fork through my eyeball.

Of course, the best diaries combine an attractive layout with interesting content, and those are definitely a joy to read.

Would I comment on my own layout? Sure. My layout is the Peachy Sunset Template, with the background and table colors changed to white, the link menus at top and bottom replaced with Dexter images as link buttons, a few style sheets thrown in to change the link colors/effect and to make the scroll bar colourful for IE5.5+ browsers, and easy to read text in a complimentary color and size. View source-ing my diary shows how easy it is to make a decent layout with extremely basic html. I chose the Dexter theme because .... I just really like that cartoon. So far all commentary I've received about my layout has been favourable. People seem to really like Dexter. That or they don't know who he is but think it's cute anyways.

Being a parent is sometimes an overwhelming job. When you are at your wits end with bills, husband, children, and life in general -- what do you do to cope?

I have a good long rant and pace back and forth and flail my arms in the air while I make myself heard to whomever is unfortunate enough to be in my presence at the time. I cry when I'm frustrated. Sometimes I slam doors. I've broken the kitchen cupboard hinges a few times, broken the latch on my old microwave door, and once I slammed the back screen door so hard it broke off the hinges and wedged itself fully into the door frame. Hubby had to unscrew the frame entirely and physically lift it out. It was a long time before I slammed anything again.

Actually that's not what I do to cope, that's what I do to make myself feel better when I'm pissed off at having to cope. In general I cope with things by taking a step back from the situation and reminding myself that freaking out is going to solve nothing. If the situation is very bad, I'll talk to a friend and try to get a new perspective.

Then I pour myself a stiff drink, put on some tunes and drink, have a few more drinks untill I can't sit up anymore, then pass out. The resulting hangover usually makes any of my other problems seem mild in comparison.

Tell us all about the evils of renovating? Is it true what they say about it stressing out the strongest of all relationships?

All I know is that I just wanted to paint the kitchen and living room and get new furniture. That filtered into his brain as "Let's rip apart 75% of the main floor of our house, work like dogs day and night to make it all new again, and spend thousands of dollars in the process!" And I was all "No, let's just paint. See this couch in the IKEA magazine? I just want to paint and have this couch." Yes. So we spent about 2 months last spring renovating our main bath, living room, and kitchen. The kitchen still isn't fully done. The renovations involved endless trips to Home Depot and Revy, 30+ lawn bags full of garbage, renting power tools left and right, the total inconvenience of trying to live in the same house you are renovating, with children, and much uttering of foul language. All of that resulted in a nicer more beautiful home, but when I miss out on AC/DC in concert because there's no money to buy tickets because he spent $400 on a freaking toilet, yeah I'd say things got pretty damn stressful around here.

If you had the power to change the world, what one thing would you do?

Give everyone a good dose of Common Sense.

Tell us about this hot monkey sex you write about? (ha ha!)

I was so hoping you'd ask me this! Well, first I spend an hour practicing yoga. To ready myself in mind and body for what lies ahead. When I'm fully prepared I step into my closet and 2 seconds later I emerge in a Catholic school girl uniform, my hair in braids with pink fuzzy pom-pom adornments. Then I click a secret button on the VCR and our bed folds up into the wall, the floor really being a giant trap door, and from beneath the giant trap door our custom-built jungle gym emerges, complete with tire swing. The hydraulics were really expensive but worth every penny. I arrange the many strategically placed webcams for optimum viewing, and send an email via Notify List to alert our many subscribers that it's almost showtime. Then, a little mood music. Usually Hall & Oates Greatest Hits, but sometimes Lionel Richie's All Night Long. Oh yes. And then, THEN, my husband zooms into the room on a Vespa, dressed remarkably like The Undertaker. By this time I am hanging upside down on the top of the jungle gym, revealing underwear dotted with little cartoon Gene Simmons.

"Does Miss KISS thong wanna go for a ride?"
"Oh does she ever, you big bad scooter man!"

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Interviewed by Trinity63

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10:25 a.m.
2001-10-19

motherlode

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