Please give a short bio of yourself for our readers.

My name is Helen, and I'm 18. I was born on December 3rd, 1983 in Kent, England, and have lived here ever since. My mum was a single parent and I was an only child, but I wouldn't wail about it because when you consider I lived in a nice enough house on a nice enough street, with enough money, and my Grandma to help look after me until I was 5, I was actually a pretty happy kid. Although I was a little prone to self-reflection, reading to late hours, and having weird ideas (and still am). I once made an invisibility potion, which didn't work but was my first experiment with science.

My mum married Clive when I was 14, and he adopted me when I was 15, so he's my Dad, even though I don't call him that. I now have a sister called Nicky who's engaged to Jonathan and at University, and a brother called Stephen who still lives here even though he's 21! He's a Catholic and a motorbike enthusiast. I'm a Christian, a writer (web published :) ), a feminist, left-wing and when I remember, an A-level student. I'm into comedy, sci-fi, excessive irony, and chocolate. I once wore Minnie Mouse Ears to school. I also once made myself a fancy dress costume out of wrapping paper, which was impossible to sit down in. I like acting, and most recently played a hippie in a concert we were doing for charity. I'm probably going to university next year if I don't take the year out. I want to be a teacher, but I'm doing a degree in Biochemistry first, just for fun.

Why did you choose this username?

Not entirely sure to be honest! I loved the colour indigo. Blue was my true colour. I'm less fond of blue now but I love the word 'indigo'. (According to Emode, my true colour is now green, but indigo is cooler :-) )The sweet was probably because I was sweet sixteen, and mildly ironic because I wrote a poem with the line 'I'm sixteen, they don't call me sweet'. Or maybe just because life is sweet.

Why do you keep a diary online?

I love attention. That's the rather embarrassing truth :) It's also very nice to be able to vent my views when I'm infuriated with something to people around - like my views on feminism, being cool, Sept 11 and Afghanistan. Also it's a sort of social activity - I love being able to exchange views, read about other people's lives, and share my own. I used to write in a message board type thing called Dear Diary on an amateur internet called Fido! It was like Diaryland in a way, but all the diary entries would be intermingled, and there was no stuff about layouts etc because everyone's entries would look the same. The community feeling could be stronger (there was a separate place for discussing entries, where you could equally give support and cuss down, if you so desired, in a less anonymous fashion than guestbooks), but the trouble was there was a certain pressure to write only about certain things. Happy people weren't really in fashion :) I wanted to write about Christian things, but I often got teased about it. Diaryland's a freer place to release my views, because an uninterested person will just stop reading.

How important do you think a layout is for a web-based diary? Would you also comment on yours?

I think layouts are more important for practical purposes than for aesthetical ones (biiiig wooords!!). I like diaries that are easy to navigate, and don't hurt the eyes too much. The only real problem with the templates is they get so boring. I do like pretty layouts though, especially when they tell you something about the person whose diary it is. My own layout was inspired by a dream I had. Seriously, I had this dream where, among other things, I had a beautiful leafy green layout. Since most of the trees where I live haven't grown leaves yet, I went searching for photos on the net and found one from Philip Greenspun - I've linked to him at the bottom of my entries. The photo wowed me - it was the kind of picture that reminds me how amazing God is. I'm not a pantheist, but the works of God are everywhere so it's practically the same thing anyway :) As with most of my layouts, it took a few minutes to create and a couple of hours to perfect.

I read some of your short stories that you have a link to from your diary. What has been your greatest influence in creative writing? What are your long-term writing aspirations?

You read my short stories? I LOVE YOU!!!! :) *ahem* anyway... my greatest influence? I think I've thought hardest about this question (either that or the next one). There are so many answers. Weirdly, most of the writers I've studied in English Literature have had an effect on my narrative style more than any others, except possibly Jane Austen (oh my, she is a master of irony) - studying them in depth helped me learn what writing is all about. But I think they're second only to real life. It's embarrassingly obvious, but no research I've done or books I've read can produce good stories that thinking 'how would this happen in reality?' It's probably why most of my dire awful stories (some are on the same page as my good ones!) were either attempts at science fiction (I can write mildly good sci-fi but it's very rare) or rather heavily stolen from some book I'd read recently.

Stories are all about perception - and you can't beat straight from real life. People fascinate me - their emotions, their thoughts, their weaknesses, their strengths, and their philosophy. I love to write about them, it�s an opportunity to explore them, and also an opportunity to get my opinions out on what�s what � my own perceptions. Even a strange story like a story I call Set in Stone where the main character was on a distant planet has a kind of a basis in real life. She's an arty person in a science-ruled world � and I am both arty and sciency, and Clive (a biology and chemistry teacher) seems adamant that I get a job in science. Also the setting was inspired by the hospital I used to volunteer in.

My long-term writing aspirations are to eventually become a publishing author � I want to write general fiction, Christian fiction, and maybe some fact if I feel persuaded. I'm not that great at writing non-diarylike fact in an interesting way, though, even though one of my English teachers always claimed she enjoyed my essays. Entertain people, and also make them think � my most satisfying stories are ones when I feel I've revealed something about human nature usually kept hidden.

Sorry, that really was a long answer!

What does Christianity mean to you?

That's a difficult question! Christianity, as Bible-based as possible, is essentially the way I try to live my life. It's about having a personal relationship with God, not about following rules, or maybe obeying the rules out of love for God instead of out of fear. It's about knowing I am forgiven because of Jesus, and relying on God to give me strength in what I do. Trying to live life to the full � to give everyone the most love I possibly can. It's not about hypocrisy or intolerance � if I ever show that, it certainly didn't come from my beliefs, more likely from my own fears and weaknesses. It's about having the confidence and love to care for people no matter what they believe of what they do. Christianity can't be forced on people � it's very personal. Most of all, it means Jesus � Jesus showed the ultimate sacrificing love by dying, even though in nature and personality he was God. That kind of humility is the sort I want to imitate � I'd say that Christianity means knowing and loving God, and following in the steps of Jesus.

In your diary, you state that 'we are all mentally ill'. Please tell us what you meant by that.

Oh my, I said that in my first ever entry! I probably wouldn't say it like that now� I was a cynical sixteen year old :-) What I meant was, we all have insecurities, phobias, neuroses � plenty of irrational things dwell in our minds, it's really just by common consensus that we call each other 'normal'. People with mental disorders are often not qualitatively different to the norm� that is, they aren't different in type of disorder, they're just different in extent of disorder. For instance, people with serious eating disorders aren't completely alien � there are all sorts of 'normal' people who obsess about their weight and what they eat, yet this seems all right unless they look radically different (too thin, too fat!) or make themselves throw up. It strikes me as incredibly unfair that people with diagnosed mental disorders are looked upon as strange and apart and 'crazy' when the rest of the world shares many of their problems in a less severe form. Schizophrenia is of course a different kind of illness altogether. I only really know what I learned in Psychology, but most of the sufferers we saw in a documentary struck me as ordinary sorts of people afflicted with a disease that could affect any of us � it's not based on society, and only in a small part on upbringing. I'd call them ill � biologically � rather than crazy.

If you could invent a subject that would become compulsory in every school what would it be and why?

Well it's hard to decide. I'd like every child to have a good self-esteem, but I also think that learning a skill like cooking would be useful. So I think the subject would be 'self-esteem cookery'. The teacher would teach his/her pupils real cookery, not the food technology type where you make cereal bars one lesson and spend the next five writing it up and designing the packaging. Absolutely nothing on whatever this week's food fads are and only a bare minimum on all that boring stuff like how to preserve things. They'd learn all the basics, like how to boil an egg properly and how to follow a recipe, and also more complicated stuff like how to use herbs. It's probably because most people are not advanced cooks that there are so many health problems today. The pupils would grade themselves � my food-tech teacher always graded me the same mark, and she never tasted my food. I didn't see the point. Then they could spend the second half of the lesson eating their creations and the teacher discussing their problems with them, and telling them how worthwhile they all are. As eating together is a great social activity, they can also learn more about each other� Thus producing not only a self-confident new generation, but also one that can cook.

Interviewed by GingerBug

most recently:

12:34 p.m.
2002-03-05
sweet-indigo

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