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Please give a short bio of yourself for our readers. My name's Emma, and I'm 31. I live in England, very close to the Welsh border. I'm an only child, and I had a pretty sheltered upbringing, due to the fact I had congenital hip problems which required a lot of surgery and other bizarre hospital treatments (including being suspended head-downwards on a bed that was inclined at a 30 angle. It was made especially for me by the apprentices at the local Rolls Royce factory, and I'm told it still exists. Plenty of people might blame an experience like that for giving them a taste for S&M, I suppose... ) Basically, I didn't learn to walk until I was about 4 years old, and as a result I've been metaphorically running to catch up ever since. I flunked university, and somehow managed to come home with a big fat expanding belly, rather than a degree certificate, much to my parents' horror. My son, Fatboy, (who's now 9 and is named after the DJ, rather than his dimensions) was born shortly afterwards, and the relationship I had with his father broke down about a year after that. I've been bringing him up on my own since then, and although it's been hard, I've done a lot of positive things during that time: I trained to be a registered psychiatric nurse and generally sorted my head out a bit. I'm currently employed in a secure psychiatric unit, working with mentally disordered offenders. It's ok, but I'm ready for a change. I'm planning to move about 40 miles away in the spring, to live with my boyfriend, Arthur, who's an absolute star, and definitely one of the best prizes I got when I'd finished conquering those metaphorical demons and was ready for someone who appreciated me. In my spare time I like pretending that I'm Nigella Lawson, and cook lots of yummy things whilst looking gorgeous. I'm also exceptionally partial to anything that's pink or glittery. Why did you choose this username? I can't really remember! I know I liked the idea of volcanoes being hot and fiery and unpredictable- being a very typically textbook Aries, that resonates with me a great deal. I'd once had a crappy site elsewhere that I'd called "Volcanic Boudoir", and I decided to keep the "volcanic" part. The whole "Volcanic Rocks" thing came about (if I remember correctly) from when Grim and Kate first met, and I'd been sending them encouraging messages about their blossoming romance. I think the story goes that they were sitting in a cafe somewhere, beneath a large map that had the words "Volcanic Rocks" on it, and they read it and agreed that I did indeed rock. Coincidences like that are far too special to ignore, so I decided to rename the site accordingly. Why do you keep a diary online? Lots of reasons. Grim's was the first Diaryland diary that I ever read, after he linked it from a comic-related board that we were both into. I sat up one night and basically read the whole thing, and felt inspired shortly after to have a go myself. I get lots of different types of satisfaction from it- I enjoy having an outlet for my opinions and thoughts and musings. I also like the "interactive" aspect of having some kind of dialogue with some of the people who read my diary. Some of them have most definitely become friends of a sort, and I value that immensely. I'm a bit of a frustrated wannabe celebrity (although to be honest, I'd hate to be one in real life), so I get sufficient doses of thrills from my diary to make me think that I've achieved an (albeit meagre and pathetic) degree of fame and notoriety. Lastly, my diary has been a place where I've "processed psychiatric shit" as Verge beautifully and aptly described it. I was never any good at keeping paper journals for more than a few weeks, so to have this record of where I've been -emotionally as well as geographically- has been priceless to me as a tool for reflection and growth. How important do you think a layout is for a web-based diary? Would you also comment on yours? Nice layouts are good eye candy, but ultimately for me, it's content before style every time. I think it's good if people can find themselves something a bit prettier than the standard templates, but really, as long as it's readable, and not too harsh on the eyes, colourwise, then that's fine by me. Simplicity is good- animated cursors and typing LiKe tHiS are bad. I'm very impressed by the work that people like Lex have done to help make Diaryland a little more aesthetically pleasing, but, at the risk of sounding controversial, I do think that the Cult of Lex has spread so wide now that there's a danger of LexDesigns becoming the generic face of Diaryland, whilst disencouraging people from learning a little bit of code and unleashing their OWN creative talents. Just my twopenn'orth... As far as my own layout is concerned, my diary is the place where I try out my own somewhat humble html skills. I love doing web-design, and I only wish I had more time to practice and refine my knowledge. I like farting around with bits of JavaScript (which usually never see the light of day in any finished pages) and nicking little bits and bobs that I see on other people's pages. Once I cracked that annoying "right click disabled" thing, I was in my element! I think a little bit of code piracy is about as naughty as I get on the 'net. My current layout, which I'm very fond of, came about from a desire to keep things simple and elegant (two things that I'm NOT!). The picture's by Dave McKean and everything else is by me- well, apart from a few bits of pirated code. One day I WILL teach myself style sheets and all that gubbins, but not yet. In time... Are you a jealous person? Why or why not? No, I'm not, really. I've never had particularly high self-esteem, and so as a result, when I've realised that other people are having a better time than me, or they've got nicer stuff or sexier partners, I've always resigned myself to the fact that it's probably because I'm not good enough. That's very much condensing a complicated process into a nutshell, but that's why, I think. Jealousy, in extreme doses, is one of the most poisonous things I can think of. In little amounts it can act as a motivator, or an agent of change, but on the whole I think of it as corrosive and dangerous. That's not to say that I never feel jealous, because I do, but I do try to keep it in check, and if possible talk to the person concerned and just tell them. Being honest and taking ownership of one's feelings - even the unattractive ones- is something that I find more and more liberating the older I get. Phew. I was coming across like some dodgy self-help manual then. My apologies. In your lifetime, what's more important to you, to be loved and cherished, or to be with a man who makes you feel secure. Can you elaborate for us? Can I say "both"? I'm not sure I can pick one or the other. It's a bit like asking "Would you rather eat chocolate or bananas?"- I'd happily eat both, for very different reasons, but they're both pretty important to me. Similarly, I do have a need to feel cherished and loved (call me old-fashioned here!), and I know that I am, not just by my lover, but also by my son and my family and my friends. And whilst I also enjoy being in a loving relationship where I feel secure, I'm very much aware that ultimately, it's how comfortable I feel with myself that provides the security bit. Having been a lone parent for the past nine years, I know only too well how vital it is that I provide for myself and my son materially, as well as emotionally, and I've got that covered. Regardless of whether or not there's a man in my life, we have food and a roof over our heads, and lots of good people in our lives who care for us. Luckily, at the moment I do indeed have a very good man in my life who not only loves and cherishes me, but also makes me feel very secure, but I'm not relying on him for that. Co-dependency terrifies me even more than jealousy, and I try to steer clear of that kind of behaviour. So yes, the answer is "both"- but on my terms. What's your biggest pet peeve? Moaning. I hate listening to people who have the same recurrent moans. I get quite agitated quite quickly listening to people gripe about things that they could change. My mother goes on and on and on about my father, but he doesn't change, and she can't work out why. I think, to be honest, at the root of this peeve is people's inability to see how they contribute to the patterns of experiences that they have in their lives, and the fact that they have to take responsibility for some of them. Not ALL of them, but some of them. I have a real problem with what I call "Victim Mentality" and it very rarely gets by me without being confronted. So beware! Our last question is always one off the top of our heads, and silly- I am granting you one wish-one silly frivolous wish. What would it be? And why? I would wish for money. Is that bad of me? I'm sure I should wish for World Peace or an end to poverty, but I'm afraid I would indeed wish for cash. Not stupid amounts- not even a million- but just enough to let me decide whether or not to keep on working, or just hole up in a cottage somewhere hot and write, or paint or sculpt, or even just tan and think. The worst bane of my life is that, despite the fact I usually quite like my job, the mere knowledge that I HAVE to do it, in order to preserve my chosen lifestyle. I would like to expand on my choices a little. And if I can't have the cash, I'd like a Bettie Page lunch box. Whichever! Interviewed by Trinity
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